I am worshiped as a demigod in the Pakistani Badlands. I know every language ever to exist on earth, but have vowed to communicate only in English for the rest of my life because my wife was English. She has passed on to the heavens, but I keep her memory alive by way of her native tongue. I assassinated Castro. The fellow now calling himself Castro is an impostor. He is a mere figurehead put in place by the Company. The real Company. Marilyn Monroe is alive and well and eternally youthful. She lives in hiding. With me. She too has vowed to speak only English. I do not know why. A woman like Marilyn must have her secrets. She is a talented genetic engineer. She is currently cloning me. Soon, several of me will be worshiped in various badlands. Badlands are good places to be a demigod. One should not deny it. The problem is that every new deification generates a new breed of demon. I can do many things, but I cannot stop this.
(That’s the internet me, above. In real life, I can do very little and have nothing to offer you nor anyone else. I was born in 1967 and am not entirely sure it was a good move at all.)