My Love

(Originally posted elsewhere/when.)

“What part of ‘I love you’ don’t you understand?”

“The ‘I’, the ‘love’ and the ‘you’, for starters. However, I love you anyway.”

“You said you were incapable of love. I’m sure you promised not to do it.”

“I know, but you know how that goes. A person of my age and state and temperament dips his heart in chocolate and sticks it in the freezer without so much as a plastic wrap.”

“That makes no sense whatsoever.”

“I’m simply saying that the eternal flowering springtime gives way to the persistent fear of offensive odors come June.”

“I shower often in June.”

“As do I. Yet there lingers the memory of stale bologna, which is another reason why I love you.”

“You love me for my luncheon meats. You are full of pickle loaf and head cheese. I have heard that you never clip your toenails.”

“This is irrelevant as our toes will never touch, nor shall I ever mount thy smorgasbord.”

“Very well, then, I promise to be equally incapable of loving you and also never to do so until such time as it is not possible nor humid.”

“Nor shall roses be candy-coated, nor anything shaped so as to mock internal organs.”

“I love you.”

“Me neither.”

“Is that really the best you can do?’

“I’m afraid that it probably is.”

“Maybe we could try replacing the word, ‘love’, with ‘parsley’. A little parsley never hurt anybody.”


“But seriously… This is the best you can do?”

Published in: on September 28, 2007 at 1:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

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